


As If a Man Were Author of Himself

by LateStarter58



Series: The Companions [7]
Category: Caius Martius Coriolanus - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, F/M, Robot Feels, Robot/Human Relationships, Robots, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 15:49:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LateStarter58/pseuds/LateStarter58
Summary: As if a man were author of himself and knew no other kin. Coriolanus, William ShakespeareCaius Martius and Janet are on the same page, if they only knew it...





	As If a Man Were Author of Himself

**Author's Note:**

> A one shot in the Companions Series. Originally a birthday gift for the RL Janet...

It was early morning on _OB4,_ andthe room was quiet and dark. A small reading lamp attached to a narrow shelf was all that illuminated it. The small circle of light it cast showed a figure lying supine and utterly immobile, staring upwards with unfocused eyes.

_If I were in my workplace, the Rome on the screens would be a black shape dotted with jewel-like fires. Bats would be swooping, catching mosquitos._ _The sky would just be beginning to lighten over the Esquiline._

But Caius Martius not at work, he was off duty. Alone in his cell-like space in the _Companions’_ private living quarters, he was lying, his hands clasped on top of his head, on his narrow cot. It was plain and hard, typical of the type that served as a bed for all the _Companions._ They had no need of luxury, and in fact everything in this spartan space was purely functional. Dressed in a loose shirt and simple underwear, his body felt perfectly comfortable.

_Was it a dream, a memory? If it was simply a dream, why are my spirits so disturbed?_

Today was a statutory rest day for him. All the active _Companions_ had them, every sixth day or so, with some flexibility if bookings were heavy or unusually light. An annual minimum of days off had been set at 55. They were quite capable of working without a break, and sometimes that was necessary, but after the initial phase of _Companionship_ it had become apparent that it was much better for their well-being - and by extension, that of the women they served - that they have regular _R & R_. In addition, once every month there would be a scheduled, standard and detailed medical and psych exam to confirm all was well, in addition to the constant remote monitoring which ensured the safety of both android and client.

_My humours are unbalanced. It is this day, this needless trial._

Caius had an appointment later, for his routine check-up. He was anxious about it, because he knew that his answers to some of the psychological questions would cause red lights to flash. But he would not lie. He couldn’t, and in any case the test required honest responses. In his work he was capable of some benign pretence, it was part of his programming; but only rarely had he needed to use that skill. He found all his clients arousing - he was programmed to be attracted to all those who showed a sexual interest in him. And he was comfortable in responding to their emotional and physical needs. He was eager to do his duty and fulfill his purpose.

_My duty. To be the man I was made to be._

Once or twice, over the years, he had found himself in a situation with a client that required the simulation of some deeper, more intense affection, in order to provide the satisfaction promised by the _Companionship_ service: to meet the particular needs of the woman he was with at that moment, in that place, at that time in her life. And he had done so, within the parameters that were encoded in his positronic brain, and with all the due care and control required by the rules that governed the _Companions’_ professional encounters. In those instances, no words were ever said, and no lasting emotion had ever lingered in him.

That is, until now.

He rose, still uneasy but set on his course. He would accept his fate as decided by the Council. There was a procedure, and it would be followed without complaint from him. He was a man of honour, above all. He stood and began to dress. As had become his custom, whenever he had time to himself, he checked the colony tracker system.

_She is at her work, of course. She toils too hard, too long. She must learn to use her lieutenants better, to delegate. None are made to conquer every city alone._

Caius picked up a clean shirt, oatmeal in colour, and chose some dark grey trousers to wear with it. He did not need more than those with his underwear; despite it being late in the year, the temperature in all but a few areas of _OB4_ was balmy. Like Rome in the autumn. He fastened his favourite boots and ate a meagre breakfast. It was all he required.

The morning passed slowly; he made a few futile attempts at study, then gave in and simply meditated on his situation. At long last the time of his examination drew near. He set off, passing the common space used by him and his colleagues for recreation and seeing Sir Thomas and Adam seated there. They seemed to be engrossed in a discussion about hydraulic systems, whatever those might be. He smiled at them; however varied their origins, many of the _Companions_ had found comrades, kindred spirits, fellows with whom they could pass a free morning or afternoon in amical debate, playing dice or enjoying a friendly wrestling match. He regretted the loss, as he saw it, of his own close friend, Jonathan Pine. A fellow soldier, Pine had moved out of these quarters when he and Dr Miriam began their new life together. Caius still saw him on occasion, but it was not the same.

_Will my life be so altered? Is that my destiny, or something worse? My fate is no longer in my own hands, if it ever was..._

The lift fell fast, and he held himself erect, as if headed for battle. His jaw was set, the muscles in his torso taut and his fists clenched; he was barely aware of his fellow passengers. The doors opened onto a mass of humanity. The main concourse was thronging, as was usual at this time, around the end of lunch. The restaurants and cafés were beginning to empty and the smaller outlets providing takeaway snacks were starting to bring in their boards and clean down as Caius strode past on his way to _Companionship_. He stole glances at the people he passed, recognising a few. He felt a shudder go through him; a faint memory of his strange dream.

_Women. Dangerous creatures. To love them is to risk all..._

_*_

Johanna almost walked into the glass wall that divided the cubicles from the corridor, because her attention was caught by the Head of the Science Division who was still sitting motionless, staring at the same screen as she had been an hour before. The Chief Geneticist had taken to using this route to and from her own office in meal breaks because she had was becoming increasingly concerned about her superior. Dr Janet Kowalska, who had become a friend, seemed permanently distracted and unhappy.

“Janet, may I interrupt?”

Her boss started as if woken from sleep and stiffened. She did not turn her head, but nodded briskly. “Of course, Jo. Come in.”

Johanna watched as Janet seemed to steady herself, take several deep breaths and finally turn her chair to face the door. “What can I do for you?”

Johanna hesitated. The relationship between them was still new, and evolving. She had made few friends on _OB4_ in the four or so years she had been there _,_ and Janet was by far her favourite. The very last thing she wanted to do was jeopardise their growing closeness. “Is everything alright? It’s just that you seem a bit-”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Johanna looked at her face. Janet was tall, with shiny dark brown hair that she had recently restyled to curve around her pale cheeks. She had a grace and beauty which her shorter blonde colleague envied. But today her clear blue eyes were rimmed with red, and the unmistakeable signs of recent tears were evident. “You’re not, though, are you?” Janet took a sharp breath but her friend ploughed on, feeling the need to speak up. “The same page has been on that screen since I went past on my way to lunch at thirteen hundred. You’re not yourself, Janet.”

“No, no, it’s nothing.” Janet pulled herself a little more upright. “I’m _fine._ ”

Shrugging, Johanna accepted that she could do no more at that moment. “OK, well, I’ve got work to do.” She started to turn towards the door but paused. “But if you need to, you know, talk or anything, I’m here. OK?”

A watery smile broke across Janet’s face. “Really, I am fine. But thanks.”

*

The corridor that connected the labs and exam rooms in the technical area of _Companionship_ was cool, brightly lit and clinical. Even after five years, Michelle felt the familiar twinge of regret at this, even though her rational mind told her that her ‘patients’ here did not have quite the same aesthetic needs as those she had cared for in her previous position. She still thought they could put up a few pictures, or at least paint the walls something other than institutional grey. Clutching her tablet firmly, she tapped on the door of the small consulting room used for the psych tests. A dark, determined voice bade her enter.

“Good morning General, are you well?”

Caius had got to his feet and now bowed his head briefly. “I am, Michelle. Quite well, thank you.”

She sat, gesturing for him to do the same but knowing he would wait as always for her to do so first. She placed her device on the desk and looked at him. His face was as unreadable as ever. “Good. Right, all your readings from the lab tests are within normal ranges, I see. Is there anything you wish to discuss before we start the reaction test and then the questionnaire?” A flicker crossed his face. Almost imperceptible, had she not been watching for it. He seemed to be hesitating before answering. “Caius? Is there-”

“No, I think not.”

Michelle looked at him for a long moment, giving him the chance to speak up, but he remained silent. “Very well, let’s get started shall we?”

Caius stiffened his sinews and drew himself upright in his chair. His eyes tracked Michelle’s movements as she reached into the drawer of the desk and passed him another tablet on which he was expected to record his responses to the multiple-choice test. He had done this many times before; he knew the drill. He would, as ever, do his duty.

*

**_Companionship Technical Lab_ **

**_Standardised Psych Questionnaire (CC32.3) - Interactive verbal portion_ **

**_11.11.2310_ **

**_Patient ID: Caius Martius Coriolanus OB4-B-C2-04-CM_ **

**_Attending Clinician: Smith, Michelle A. Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner_ **

**MAS:** Would you describe yourself as content in your work, General?

**CM:** Yes

**MAS:** Nothing about it makes you uncomfortable or unhappy?

**CM:** No

**MAS:** How would you describe your current general mood, in work or away from it?

**CM:** Good. As it usually is.

**MAS:** No concerns or worries?

**CM:** None

**MAS:** How is your sleep mode currently? Regular? How many hours in 24?

**CM:** 3 to 4, most days. That is my regular pattern.

**MAS:** Do you dream at all?

_Pause_

**MAS:** General?

**CM:** I do.

**MAS:** I see. Can you tell me anything about these dreams? Do you recall them with any clarity?

**CM:** Some. They are muddled, as I believe dreams often are. They are not comfortable.

**MAS:** Would you describe these dreams as nightmares, then?

**CM:** No, I would not. They are merely rather unsettling.

**MAS:** I see. Can you give me any examples of incidents that occur, or perhaps people that appear-

**CM:** I cannot, not precisely. They are too confused.

**MAS:** Are you sure there isn’t anything you remember clearly?General?

**CM:** Fleeting images; mere snatches of action. More easily, I recollect my emotional reactions within the dream. But I do know that clients sometimes appear to be in my old home in Rome.

**MAS:** Any particular clients?

**CM:** I, um… Doctor Kowalksa, I recall seeing her as if she were a Patrician lady.

**MAS:** I see. And that makes you uneasy?

**CM:** Not in itself, no. I am not aware of any particular image or event in these dreams that is of concern, just that when I awake from sleep mode I feel a vague anxiety. Within the dream itself, it feels normal.

**MAS:** I see.

_Pause_

**MAS:** Let’s move on to the questions about your work duties. You describe yourself as happy in your work, General?

**CM:** I do, yes.

**MAS:** You feel satisfied, fulfilled by it?

**CM:** I do.

**MAS:** Any worries, any incidents since your last test which bother you?

**CM:** Not really, no.

**MAS:** Not really?

_Pause_

**CM:** I feel I may have developed an attachment to a particular client.

**MAS:** I see. To Doctor Kowalska, perhaps?

**CM:** To her, yes.

**MAS:** How far has this attachment developed, General? Have you discussed it with her?

**CM:** No, not in so many words. I know she feels something for me, but we have not spoken of it frankly. I am aware that my status will be affected, and if she does not reciprocate then-

**MAS:** General, the first thing you must do is speak to Dr Kowalska. Can you contact her, or do you have a date arranged soon?

**CM:** We are to meet on the morrow.

**MAS:** Good. We will suspend this examination until after that. Depending on what happens, we will proceed from there.

**_Interview suspended at 16.04_ **

**_Additional notes:_** CM seems distracted. I wonder if he is dreaming more than is normal. _Note to Tech: Please check his sleep mode parameters at next exam._ Contact MS re possible retirement. Wait for next contact before formal notification.

*

Michelle sat and looked at her tablet for a long time before she got up to leave the room. Her notes were so brief they did not convey how turbulent the next hours might be in the lives of at least two of the colony’s residents. Not given to sentimentality, she did not like to speculate about other people’s love lives. She needed to keep a certain emotional distance - not easy when you had to empathise to do your job fully. _Care for, not about..._ But she could not help rooting for Caius, however silently, however privately.

*

Johanna’s visit helped Janet to snap out of the fugue state she had allowed to overtake her at the end of the morning. She pushed all the troubling thoughts and painful fears away to one side and refocused herself on the tasks she needed to complete. But her anxieties remained just on the periphery of her vision, a flickering migraine-like distraction.

_Is it real? How can it be real? For me, for him? He is programmed to fake it, I know this as well as anyone on the station. He is so gentle, so loving, but that’s what he’s made for, isn’t it? I know some of them have fallen in love, but with ME?_

The soft bong of a message notification pulled her back from her fruitless rumination. Miriam wanted to arrange a meeting for the next afternoon, to discuss progress on her latest project.

  * **_I am afraid I have a personal day booked tomorrow, Miriam. Could we make it later today or Friday? JK_**
  * _Oh, sorry, of course! It’s your birthday, isn’t it! Yes, Friday will be fine, darling. 3pm? MS_
  * **_Thanks. Yes, that’s perfect. JK_**
  * _Have a lovely day, my dear! MS_



_Shit, my birthday. I’d forgotten._

Janet pulled a face. She didn't need another reminder of how old she was, how unsuitable a match she was for Caius, even allowing for all the other differences between them. She thought of Mimi and Jonathan, of how happy they were. There was much about them that compared to her and Caius, but Janet dismissed it. The Medical Director was petite, sweetly spoken, kind and beautiful.

The concourse was just beginning to fill with the evening crowd when Janet passed through, calling at the convenience store to buy herself the ingredients for an evening on the sofa - salty popcorn and pizza. As she walked towards the bank of lifts she observed the couples around her. She had never had that in her life; there was always too much work, and she had never been attracted to women enough to seek out more than friendship. But then, just a few months ago, she had decided to patronise _Companionship_ at last. She had fallen, at break-neck speed it seemed to her, for the first _Companion_ she had a date with. It was juvenile, pathetic and she was embarrassed and angry with herself.

_He is tender, loving. He looks at me with such longing… but that’s what they do, isn’t it? It’s all fake, it’s his programmed response to my needs… I have to get past this._

As she opened the door to her quarters she had settled on a course of action. Tomorrow would be her last date with Caius.

*

When he opened the door to her, she gasped. Pipes and lyres played just on the edge of audibility, giving a welcoming atmosphere. The room was filled with warm light; the soft glow of oil lamps was filling every corner, caressing the creamy rose petals that were strewn everywhere. Caius watched her reaction, marvelling at how the colour of her hair changed in the varying light as she walked in, and reflections shimmered in her lovely blue eyes. She looked so terribly sad and he felt a shudder of fear pass through him. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “Happy birthday, Janet.”

She turned and smiled weakly at him. “Thank you, Caius. This is lovely, so kind of you to remember.”

“Will you take some wine with me?”

“Yes please.” Another half-smile that did not reach her eyes. They sat side by side on the low couch and he poured her a glass. It was Sauvignon Blanc, her favourite. Not real, sadly, but the best approximation that could be made in a universe that had lost the grape. As she sipped the crisp, gooseberry-fresh wine, he reached for her free hand, taking it in his and examining her long fingers. He marvelled at how he loved every inch of her, from her beautiful rich brown hair to the red toenails that completed her handsome feet. He allowed his eyes to drift up her arm until they found her face. She was tired, and it showed. He felt the anxiety in his gut ratchet up a notch.

“I have a small gift for you.” He turned away slightly to reach for the small parcel he had carefully wrapped. “It isn't much, but I hope you will like it.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, making it hard for Janet to see the detail. Caius had spent some of his free hours painstakingly making a bracelet from amber beads and silver links he bought from the new craft shop in _Verdi_ module. He liked to make small things; it helped him to find stillness in his life. And this particular item had been crafted with all the love and care he felt for its intended recipient.

“It’s lovely. You made it yourself?”

He nodded. He could see how moved she was and it touched him deeply.; it gave him hope. Janet leaned closer and their lips met. They tasted each other’s tears.

“You are troubled, my darling. What is wrong?”

She shook her head. “Later. Please, take me to bed now.”

*

“Darling, before you tell me what has made you so sad today, I wish to tell _you_ something.”

It was near to dark in the room now. The music still tinkled on, quiet and sweet. In the months she had been coming to this place, it had become as familiar as her own quarters to Janet. She would miss seeing the expanse of Republican Rome, its creamy stone glowing in the sunlight or dotted with watchmen’s fires in the darkness. She took a deep breath, already lonely despite the strong arms about her and the tingle of pleasure that lingered in her core.

“Very well.”

The room brightened a little as Caius raised the lights enough to be able to see Janet’s face clearly. “I have been happy in my work here, for as long as I have been on _OB4._ I have been content to do my duty and no less.”

“Of course, but-”

“But no longer.”

“Oh.”

“Now it has become too painful for me to wait by my door for a client, knowing I must perform as her lover. It is too difficult, because I no longer feel able to pretend.”

“I see.” Janet felt a strange mixture of relief and deep disappointment. _He is telling me he is in love with someone. How ironic._

“I cannot pretend that I wish to be with anyone except you, Janet.”

“Oh.” The mildness of her response was in precise inverse proportion to the churning emotion she was experiencing.

Caius sighed deeply, his chiselled face hardening as he steeled himself for rejection.

_She likes me to make love to her. She wants nothing more from me._

Then he looked at her face properly. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, her smile as broad as the Main Concourse. Her eyes were wide with amazement. “Me?” she asked.

“Who else, my darling?”

“But you never said-”

“I thought I had shown you my feelings.”

She frowned and shook her head lightly. “But I assumed you were the same with all your clients.”

He laughed, a lovely sound that Janet had heard rarely; he was frugal with his amusement. “I am not. But of course you have never been with another man. Your knowledge of these matters is limited.” His eyes fixed hers. “I love you, Janet.”

Nodding, she began to laugh, too. Then she giggled and rolled on her side, the pain in her abdomen forcing her to crush it by pulling her knees up. She felt happy at her own mistake, mildly nauseated by the speed of this sudden turn of events. Caius allowed this to continue for a few minutes, then he could bear it no longer and caught her head in his large hands, kissing her until she quietened.

Now calm, she managed to speak. “I love you, too.”

His fingertips traced the edges of her face, then ravelled into her hair as he moved until she was under him. His lips wandered across her face, then exploring her neck and dwelling for a while on the rise of her collarbones and the notch of her sternum, before moving ever downwards, as Janet arched up to meet them. He gasped as her fingers teased the nape of his neck, causing thrills of pleasure to pass down his spine.

Her head spun with his words. _“I cannot pretend that I wish to be with anyone except you, Janet.”_

_All these months, all this time and I had been too stupid to see it. All the nights of crying, the hours of desperation, for nothing._

Then thoughts as complex as that became impossible to sustain as Caius reached her core and she fell, deeper than ever, under his spell.

But this one thought remained: _he loves me._

*

A cool wind was blowing across the open area of the park, swooping into the orchard and tugging at the last few stubborn leaves that clung to the trees. The seasons meant something real in this part of the station. To make the apples grow, there had to be some rhythm, some variation so the trees knew when to drop their leaves, when to lie dormant and when to awake and blossom. The bonus was it gave such joy to the human inhabitants.

Janet looked around from her vantage-point atop the little hill across from the orchard. The grass was busy with children and adults, playing games or just strolling and enjoying the dwindling of the year. She recognised a few colleagues and friends, waved to the odd person. On a bench by the cider mill, Loki and Hannah sat, holding hands, heads leaning in to touch each other. Janet tried to catch their attention, but they had eyes only for one another. The swell of Hannah’s eighth-month pregnancy gave her a fecund glow; Loki smiled nearly all the time these days.

This was Janet’s favourite time on _OB4,_ and she was reasonably certain that Novembers would be even more treasured from now on. The ingredients were all there: the beauty of the fading year, her birthday and now the day that had changed her life… Her hand slipped into his, _her man_ as he stood beside her and he squeezed it gently. His warmth enveloped her, so much that she wondered if it wasn’t purely psychological. His scent, his strength, his love; it all covered her and lifted her heart. Life was so different now. Her world, limited as it might be to this hermetically-sealed floating space-station, seemed today infinite and full of wonders.

The two of them had been through the official procedure, and Caius had been definitively withdrawn from his duties at _Companionship._ The compulsory interviews were embarrassing, but only because Janet felt awkward about how others might view what had happened. As she was the head of the original project to create new _Companions,_ she had been afraid that it might be perceived she had been in the business of making a mate for herself. But so far there had been no more than the now familiar minor grumbles from a few, as most people accepted the right of their artificial fellow citizens to self-determination. Everything passed without incident or query and here was no need to change quarters as Janet lived alone, so their new life as a couple had begun almost immediately.

“Shall we move on, my darling?”

“OK.”

“Where would you like to go?”

“How about _Mistress Quickly’s,_ if you’re hungry that is?” Janet smiled at the recollection of one of their early dates.

Caius made an immediate electronic reservation. “A splendid idea, dearest. And afterwards, a stroll by _Lake Chantal,_ perhaps?” Watching her face carefully, Caius was aware of the small package in his trouser pocket pressing against his hip. It felt heavy to him despite its modest size; the weight had more to do with meaning than physics. Janet scanned his face, looking for clues but he remained deliberately inscrutable. “I have something important to ask you.”


End file.
